Just in general.....

I didn't mean to go so long without posting to this blog. The days are literally flying by in a blur. I often have to stop and really think to remember what day of the week it is. The love and support I have received from so many people in the last few weeks has been absolutely astonishing to me. Walking with Jesus is like that. Just when you think you have it so good He dishes out even better. My life is currently filled with boxes, boxes and more boxes. How did I end up with all this stuff??? Ack! It feels so good to purge!

My boys are doing well. Chappy has bonded with Joseph. Hobo is still holding out in various hiding spots. He's a tough sell. I am so thankful that I can go visit them from time to time. Joseph thinks that helps them to not feel abandoned and be reassured that he is a friend. I know it helps me. I miss them so very much. Especially this past week for some reason. I've just really been missing their company and our routines. This letting go is new for me. I've always been with my pets until they die. This separation is nowhere near as hard as losing them to death. I know they have a good home and I trust Joseph to take good care of them plus I have the bonus of visiting. I guess it's more like having a kid grow up and leave home. But some days the empty nest sucks.

I am about to make spring official by making a batch of potato salad for a church picnic. That sure feels good and will hopefully make some taste buds happy.

The Refuge is almost finished but not quite there yet. I did move my pottery wheel and supplies down to the shed so I have marked my territory. :)  The kiln will soon join them. I hope to make the move in a couple of weeks and I sure look forward to being there.

So no major events to report or deep insights to share today. I am busy and I am happy and Jesus is at work in it all.  Thank you Lord!

His girl,
AM

A Blast From The Past

Last night I went to serve food to the girls in the clubs. I had not been in a strip club since leaving the business 22 years ago. I was feeling rather nervous until late yesterday afternoon. Then I got that peace and calm that can only come from the Lord.

I did not have any kind of emotional meltdown. I still haven’t.

Some things never change. When you go somewhere you have been before it has always changed in some way. The strip clubs have not changed one iota. I think more than anything I feel stunned at how they have not changed. It was like I had stepped out of there the day before. The smell, sounds, lights, the DJ’s yammering, all the staff, the dancers, the customers. It was an incredible time trip. The dressing room was the same. The girls were the same.

The smell was exactly the same as I remember. It’s not just the cigarette smoke or booze and it is not the smell of other bars. It’s unique to strip clubs. I did not get into any real conversations with any of the ladies but one did call me mom.  Thank you Lord, for the silver in my hair.

On my way home I stopped by Kroger to pick something up and when I went in I was immediately aware of how different it smelled. The produce smelled so fresh and delicious. The air felt so clean. I really could not smell the club on myself but I could feel a film of it on my skin and hair.

I felt ravenously hungry.

Things God has been pointing out to me last night and this morning:

• Strip clubs create numbness to life in every way – visual, auditory, smell and light – not just the obvious emotional and sexual numbness.
• They must be a successful template for Satan’s work as he has not changed them at all in many, many years.
• No woman could walk with Christ and work as a stripper.
• No woman can walk with Christ be so sexually broken.
• No man can walk with Christ and be a customer. He would have to check his faith at the door.
• No one involved in this industry in any way is not broken in some way.

This experience was like a pop quiz from Jesus

• Healed my brokenness? Check
• Given me life? Check
• Cleansed me? Check
• Resuscitated my heart? Check
• Scrubbed my mind? Check
• Wept for me? Check
• Loved me? Check
• Provided for me? Check
• Saved me? Check
• Tossed that garbage as far as the east is from the west? Check

Truths:

• People really do come in only two flavors: lost and broken or saved and healed.
• Jesus specializes in dumpster diving in the cesspools we put ourselves into.
• He was so much more than just a man.

And now I weep.

His girl,
AM

Seasons change

My season at my job ended on Friday. With the Lord's help I completed all the outstanding projects and left the databases in the best shape possible.  I was able to throw in a few bonus reports as well.  It was important to me to do so and I am so thankful I closed that chapter of my life with my work completed.  I worked with a fabulous group of ladies while I was there.  I'm feeling sad for the goodbyes and excited for the future. If you have ever left one venture to go to another then you know what I am talking about.  A complete change of lifestyle is a big elephant to eat. One bite at a time, baby, one bite at a time.

 I will officially begin my work with the Refuge tomorrow morning.  I look forward to meeting the fabulous ladies I will be working with in the future.  The house is supposed to be finished by the 20th.  I suppose I will be moving soon after.  This week I am working in the office on the administrative organization needed and getting my CPR certification.  Last wek I met the board of directors.  What a lovely group of souls!  They made me feel so welcome.  Their prayer over me and for me was such an encouragement.  Please keep them and all the staff in your prayers.  That we would have a servant's heart, clarity and discernment.  Please pray for the ladies God will be sending to us. They are struggling in ways you cannot imagine.

Spring is arriving outside my door.  Seasons always change.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

His girl,
AM

New adventures for my boys

When I learned I would not be able to take my cats with me to the Refuge I asked the Lord, "You would ask me to give up my cats?".  Anyone that knows me knows I love my boys. The Lord reminded me of the parable of the rich young ruler found in all three of the gospels at Matthew 19:16-30; Mark 10:17-31; Luke 18:18-30.

Here is Luke's version of events:

And a certain ruler asked Him, saying, Good Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?
And Jesus said to him, Why do you call Me good? None is good except One, God.
You know the commandments: Do not commit adultery, do not kill, do not steal, do not bear false witness, honor your father and your mother.
And he said, I have kept all these from my youth up.
And when Jesus heard these things, He said to him, Yet you lack one thing. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you shall have treasure in Heaven. And come, follow Me.
And when he heard this, he was very sorrowful, for he was very rich.
And when Jesus saw that he was very sorrowful, He said, How hardly those having riches shall enter into the kingdom of God!
For it is easier for a camel to go through a needle's eye than for a rich one to enter into the kingdom of God.
And the ones who heard said, And who can be saved?
And He said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.
And Peter said, Lo, we have left all and have followed You.
And He said to them, Truly I say to you, There is no one who has left house, or parents, or brothers, or wife, or children for the sake of the kingdom of God, who shall not receive many times more in this present time, and, in the world to come everlasting life.

This parable is not just about money. It's about loving the things of this world more than Jesus.  He couldn't ask me to give up lots of money because I don't have it to give up!  He was asking me if I loved my cats more than I love Him.  I call them my cats but the truth of the matter is they are His cats anyway.  He just gave them to me to love and enjoy and care for for a while.  He owns everything.  He made them, they are His. 
 
So I've prayed and asked Him to show me where they need to be.  I've asked Him to give them a good home where they will be cared for and not harmed.  A home they will flourish in and be happier in than they have been with me.  I am trusting Him to do that.  After all, He knows everyone involved better than I ever can.
 
Apparently they need a dad.  A man in my church family wants them.  He is not even a cat person.  I don't think he's ever had cats.  I didn't even take him seriously at first.  He and his son had been praying for a dog.  They love dogs.  Apparently God wants to expand their horizons to include cats. God warmed him up with a kitten a couple of weeks ago and when I take the boys to him tomorrow he will have gone from zero to 3 cats with blazing speed.  And he will have all the life stages of a cat going on; a kitten, a four year old and a ten year old.

I've been telling them they are about to have new adventures and make new friends.  I've told them they are heading to the bachelor pad and will get to hang out with guys and do manly things.  (whatever that is and I'm not sure I really want to know)  They just look at me as though I am speaking a foreign language.  Sometimes it is slow work teaching cats new words.

If you had told me three months ago that not only would I give my cats away but it would be to someone with no cat experience I would have laughed you out of town and called you crazy.  Go figure!  God has such a sense of humor!

Please say a prayer that all of us make a smooth transition. I pray their new human will not be overwhelmed and Hobo will open up to him and trust him.  I pray that all three of the cats will soon be BFFs in a pile, purring.

His girl,
AM

The first step...

They say a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Sometimes I tend to leap and this is no exception. But then I never was one for inching into the water - I always jumped right on in. Here is a prayer request I recently shared with my prayer warriors and church family:

I am feeling so very nervous right now. I want to do what He wants me to do. This position MUST be filled by His choice and if I am not HIS choice I do not want to be there. If I AM His choice I want to be obedient and not let fear rule. This is not a job - it is a calling. Fragile lives will be being rebuilt or maybe even built for the first time.

For me personally this would mean I have to sell or rent my house, give away my cats, take a 45% salary reduction and give up the generous benefits package I have at my current job. (all of which could be lost at any time since no job is 100% secure) I will also have the culture shock of suddenly living with others after living alone for about 20 years. (Will I remember to close the bathroom door?!?)
This job will also mean that many of my heart's desires would be realized. God would be using ALL of the sin from my past for His good and His glory. (WOW!) I would be living in the country on a farm (HALLELUJAH!) I would no longer be tied to a secular desk job. I would get to be a mom and a housewife like I always wanted to be. (minus the husband) There may be grandchildren at some point, too. I would be able to do my pottery. I would get to try out some of those recipes I've always wanted to try but had no one to cook them for. :) I could dust off my sewing machine (and possibly successfully sew something!) And there may even be horses to ride without being responsible for their care. These are big issues for me that cannot have a dollar value assigned. I guess that means they are priceless.

When the salary is calculated based up on the actual time and cost of my current job I would be clearing the same or even possibly more per hour at the reduced salary. This is a live in job so room, board and food are provided. There may even be a car provided. (that's not for sure yet - like the horses) I suppose if the car didn't happen and mine died I could go Amish-like and ride a horse around. I might be late for church if that happens. :)

I am nervous and rambling but it has helped me to write this out. Anyway, I would surely appreciate your prayers. And to think that as recently as 3 1/2 years ago I was still guarding my secrets. I am absolutely amazed beyond words.

PS. The verse on my calendar for today is Isaiah 30:21: When you turn to the right or when you turn to the left, your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, 'this is the way,; walk in it'. The meditation thought below that reads: At my points of decision today, remind me that life was never meant to be risk-free. Keep me alert to Your gentle direction.


I have given notice with my current employer and will begin a new chapter in my life as the house manager for Refuge for Women in March. Between now and then I will be finding a home for my cats, clearing out my house and looking for either a buyer or a renter.

When viewed from a logical or financial perspective the only conclusion would be that I have lost my mind. I believe that perhaps my mind needs to stay lost! God has a lot to work out for me - especially in the finances. Finding a good home for my cats is on His plate as well. And walking me through my fears. I suspect He is carrying me.

Dear reader, I hope you realize He is carrying you, too.

His girl,
AM